Me and my mental state.
Oct. 22nd, 2003 12:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nadrielI am quite frequently depressed. This is an ongoing problem I've been trying to deal with for some time now.
The question arises, what is best done about it. The problem with trying to "think happy" or whatever is that I can't seem to get it to work for me.
I'd go to the doctor, but all they'd do is give me drugs, and I'm very wary of that, given my family's idiosyncratic reaction to drugs as a general rule, and especially in light of the bad time my manic depressive sister had with the drugs she was prescribed.
I can't afford a psychiatrist, even if I knew how to go about getting one. (Heck, tomorrow I can't even afford to eat without using my credit card).
I have to wonder, is it a chemical/medical thing, or is it just another one of the kinks in my psyche, and what difference does it make?
I believe that a break in one of a number of different areas would help cheer me up, but I'm wary of basing my happiness around outside factors.
And it might go some way to dealing with my social ineptness- I put people off because I'm either depressed or trying too hard to make friends/be cheerful. I then get depressed when I put people off, and so the vicious circle continues...
Then there's the confidence issue tied in with that- I lack confidence in social situations, and it shows.
I don't believe there's an easy way out (I don't believe there's an easy way out of anything), but I believe there has to be a way out, which I've either not discovered or not yet been able to implement for whatever reason.
Then of course, there's me on my upswings, where I'm almost manic. Which is almost as bad.
Once again, no real conclusions, just some thoughts.
Edit: Oh, and I'm over-analytical as well... :-)
The question arises, what is best done about it. The problem with trying to "think happy" or whatever is that I can't seem to get it to work for me.
I'd go to the doctor, but all they'd do is give me drugs, and I'm very wary of that, given my family's idiosyncratic reaction to drugs as a general rule, and especially in light of the bad time my manic depressive sister had with the drugs she was prescribed.
I can't afford a psychiatrist, even if I knew how to go about getting one. (Heck, tomorrow I can't even afford to eat without using my credit card).
I have to wonder, is it a chemical/medical thing, or is it just another one of the kinks in my psyche, and what difference does it make?
I believe that a break in one of a number of different areas would help cheer me up, but I'm wary of basing my happiness around outside factors.
And it might go some way to dealing with my social ineptness- I put people off because I'm either depressed or trying too hard to make friends/be cheerful. I then get depressed when I put people off, and so the vicious circle continues...
Then there's the confidence issue tied in with that- I lack confidence in social situations, and it shows.
I don't believe there's an easy way out (I don't believe there's an easy way out of anything), but I believe there has to be a way out, which I've either not discovered or not yet been able to implement for whatever reason.
Then of course, there's me on my upswings, where I'm almost manic. Which is almost as bad.
Once again, no real conclusions, just some thoughts.
Edit: Oh, and I'm over-analytical as well... :-)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-22 11:50 am (UTC)I've been there
Medicine doesnt always help... I swear I've felt better after getting *off* my ADs... and my lifestyle is worse if its changed at all... there is an element of attitude to it... and there is the necessity of working on your inner self, be it meditation or similar, less well-respected means. I cant say what changed thats made me feel better. But attitude counts towards it I can only imagine.
d o.o b